Making Big Changes to Small Talk
Bringing awareness to the normalized negativity in everyday conversation.Read More
I hope we can all take time and care as we re-define failure and success for ourselves and that it gives us the momentum to take a closer look at the other important words in our lives and the power we choose to give them. Let’s all use self-knowledge, love and choice to take our power back and create lives full of freedom, abundance and success!Read More
When we are in a partnership with another person, facing these trials has another added element of complexity. Not only do we need to walk through the fire and survive, we need to make sure that the fire doesn’t destroy our relationship. So why do some couples come out stronger after going through these trials and some relationships just burn to ashes and fall apart?Read More
Energy is CRAZY right now. We are more sensitive than ever to our emotions. We set big goals for this year and for many of us, we are hitting the first roadblocks to those goals. So how do we tap into our inner strength so that we can keep going and not let the feelings of disappointment or worry dis-empower us?
Why did you set the goal in the first place? Go back to your journal entries or the excited conversations you had at the start of the year. Write out your WHY again, focus on how that WHY feels in your body.
Sometimes we lose sight of our why and we become disheartened because we are simply not believing in ourselves at that moment in time. Maybe something happened to throw you off course and your mind is trying to list out all the reasons why you are destined to fail. The solar plexus is home to our personal power, it is where that sunlight of self-belief is stored.
Close your eyes and place your hands right below your sternum, just where your ribcage starts to open up and separate. Breathe in deeply, allowing your belly and check to expand, your shoulders to rise and fall and that tingly feeling to come all the way up to the top of your head, before you exhale slowly. Imagine that there is a tiny seed of light in your solar plexus and with every inhale that seed gets a little brighter and with every exhale that seed expands. Keep this up until your solar plexus is a bright sun in the center of your body. Allow yourself to test out some affirmations and see which words make your core sun brighter and which words don’t really resonate.
“I believe in myself” “I am powerful” “I am capable” “I can do this”
“I refuse to give up” “I am strong and brave” “I am willing to try again”
Feel free to use some time afterwards to journal or to find and focus on other things that feel good. Keep searching for the evidence of good things in your life.
Getting outside and changing your environment interrupts whatever current state of moping you are in (especially if it is a little brisk out there). Give yourself 10 minutes to come up with 5 small action steps you can take over the next few days to work towards your goal. Keep these things small and manageable. Now is not the time to focus on the big end game, this is part of being accepting of your current state and working from where you are at.
Some examples may be, setting out your workout clothes for the next morning or creating a healthy grocery list and planning out dinner that night. Maybe it is sending one email a day to potential clients or employers for the next 5 days and KNOW who you are going to send them to. These small tasks should take less than 15 minutes to complete.
What can you do to feel strong and have fun?
Put on “Eye of the tiger” or “We are the champions” or whatever slightly corny and motivational music makes you laugh.
Listen to an inspirational “kick in the butt” video on Youtube. Mel Robbins , Tony Robbins, Elizabeth Gilbert, Glennon Doyle, and Marie Forleo are some of my favorites for when I’m feeling down in the dumps, but there are many others.
Go pick out an awesome outfit in your closet that makes you feel amazing and go walk around town and get a cup of coffee and be open to inspiration in your environment.
No, this does not mean stop all action or stop caring about it. But sometimes it can be helpful to change your focus towards the general. I like to joke with my sister about how “building her empire” is going. She is an amazing coach and inspirational speaker (find her at www.chooseyourevolution.blog) and I just know she is going to take the world by storm in the near future.
In this case though, instead of getting overwhelmed by the infinite number of details involved in answering the question, “How can I build my empire in three weeks?” maybe change the questions to “What does building my empire feel like? What can I do that will make me feel like that right now?”. Letting go of control of every single unforeseeable detail and instead putting yourself in a place where you can receive inspiration is a helpful move for tapping into your power.
Sending my love to you as always,
P.S. Make sure to comment, question and share. Let me know how you find your inner strength when times get a little tough.
Self-care being anything that balances out stress or hardship by allowing you to prioritize your health and well-being (physically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually, etc).
Is it not enough time?
In which case, can you be more specific? What is taking up your that time that is more productive than self care? Remember, self-care doesn’t need to happen all day every day. But if you feel overwhelmed, off balance, stressed or fatigued, you need to assess how much self-care (and what kinds of self care) is going to bring you back to equilibrium and health.
My mindset trap tends to be what I think of as Productivity Pressure. I had a habit of pushing aside self-care because I didn’t view it as productive. (I say “had” because I am actively focused on changing my perspective around this issue)
So here is where I needed to pause and ask myself a couple of questions…
Whatever your typical reason for not prioritizing your own health and happiness is, I invite you to question it. The answer may go a lot deeper than you might think.
My older brother married the one true love of his life on Saturday and the whole weekend was EXTREMELY emotional for me. I was so happy for him and for his new wife and between Friday night and Saturday I cried a LOT of happy tears! Listening to the ceremony, the vows they made to each other, and the speeches and toasts about love that followed, really made me reflect on the love in my own life and how I am treating and respecting, and most of all receiving, that love.
What got to me most was the way they looked at each other. Each glance held excitement and pride, joy and relief, knowing and understanding, devotion and respect, and so many promises. I thought for a brief moment, I wish my husband looked at me like that and in the next moment, I knew… my husband DOES look at me like that, I just don’t let myself see it or bask in it in the same way that these beautiful newlyweds were basking in it.
As always, the question was “WHY?”.
The word that came to my mind first and stuck into my heart the most was PRIDE. I was not allowing myself to see the pride in my husband’s gaze because I wasn’t looking at myself with pride. That realization broke me open enough that I was able to study myself long and hard (and most of Sunday was devoted to me doing just that… and then going to bed at 7:30 to recover)
Somewhere inside, even after all the years of dedicated self-growth and healing work, I still believed that I hadn’t earned the right to be honored or to be looked at with pride. I still felt that I needed to work harder and longer, that I needed to earn more money or pile on more accomplishments; I needed to be MORE PRODUCTIVE to be proud of myself or to be deserving of anyone else’s pride.
I put off self-care a lot of the time, because I pressured myself to be productive so that I could EARN LOVE from myself and others.
There is a difference between the things we KNOW to be true in our minds and the things that we FEEL to be true in our hearts and bodies.
I know on an intellectual level that I am a being made of love and that I am inherently deserving of love. Sometimes, I feel this truth in my body and when I do I feel wholly and fully myself, completely deserving of love and pride and respect. I know what this feels like and try to go back to that feeling and refocus myself into this truth as often as I can.
When I am putting this productivity pressure on myself to the extent that it is overwhelming my need for self-care, I know that older limiting thought patterns are taking over. Thought habits that are not based in love or in the highest truth of who I am.
I think that looking into WHY we put off our self-care, can give us a deeper look into what we believe about ourselves. When we take the time to ask questions and identify our limiting beliefs around self-care, we can work on shifting our perspective much more quickly, thereby saving ourselves from burnout, overwhelm and other forms of suffering.
Personally, I had to realize that, for me, the word “Productivity” was synonymous to “Earning Love” and that I when I am prioritizing the energy of “Productively Earning Love”, I am viewing my reality through the lens of the limiting belief that I am not inherently worthy of love. So, I need to shift that perspective and change my definition of productivity to something more healthy and balanced.
I am going to try defining Productivity as “actively sharing my love with others” and Self-Care as “Actively sharing love with myself”. Self-care is what allows me to be productive, because it allows me to fill my own cup so that I can share my gifts with others. This, to me, feels much more healthy and balanced.
Sometimes, it takes a wedding, or a big emotional upheaval or a time of being extremely off balance, to make us realize that something isn’t right and that something needs to change. When we get into the habit of questioning ourselves and the way we react to these times, we can shift our perspectives and step into the next day with much more balance and clarity and determination and pride.
I hope you take some self-care time to ask these big questions of yourself and get to know yourself at the subconscious level of limiting belief.
Productively sending my love to you!
On Monday we talked about how to use your brain to list out your 2019 goals and then how to use your heart (emotions) and your physical body (sensations) to cross-reference those goals and to check to see if they are in alignment with love and your highest good.
When I was speaking on this topic, I had this question pop up in my head and I wanted to spend some time today addressing it. The question was,
“If I’m supposed to feel good to align with my higher self but I also need to feel uncomfortable in order to grow, how do I navigate that? How do I navigate between aligning with good feelings and allowing myself to get uncomfortable enough to grow?”
When we set a goal for growth that is for our highest good, and we practice saying that goal out loud and we notice how good it feels in our bodies, we create a road-map for ourselves that helps us get back to that feeling and to our goal. When you spend time saying that goal out loud and you often imagine what it will feel like to accomplish that goal and describe in detail how that feels in your body and you write it down, you create a new baseline for how you normally feel.
That new baseline for how you feel in your body (or even how you know you want to feel in your body) is going to give you a heightened sensitivity to the changes in your body, emotions and thoughts. But you are still going to respond automatically from the subconscious to triggers in your environment.
Don’t you worry about not feeling uncomfortable enough, my friend! As you move through your day to day life, working towards your goal, you are going to be challenged and those challenges are going to be uncomfortable. There are STILL going to be days when you get really down, or feel lonely, or stressed, or frustrated or doubtful. But you are going to notice those changes coming on more quickly and are going to be able to step back into the role of the questioner or observer more quickly as well, because you have practiced observing yourself.
You have also practiced allowing yourself the space for feel into that discomfort on a physical, emotional and mental level. Being in your body with the discomfort and allowing the energy to flow is going to allow that subconscious belief to be uncovered and recognized and identified. Now you get to decide what you are going to do about it and use the body baseline and cross-referencing technique to check and see how aligned your decision is.
Remember that the discomfort we feel occurs when we are looking through our life in that moment, through the lens of a belief that is not serving us and is not in alignment with our goals or highest good.
When we allow ourselves to feel into that discomfort and be in our bodies with our discomfort, that belief surfaces and it becomes clear enough that we can decide how to respond in a loving and aligned way. There does not need to be a forcing or a battle with ourselves. We do not need to get lost in judgment about ourselves.
But what happens when we do start to get a little lost? What can we do to remind ourselves about what we really want?
Okay, so I am not a huge fan of affirmations used for the sake of saying affirmations (especially if they are just said on a thought level and never felt), but I think that they can be applied usefully in this case. The key is to create the affirmation when you are inside of that feeling of alignment.
When you are feeling good. When you are working towards your goal or visualizing your goal and you are in that physical space, that physical feeling that you now know so well, of your goal and of your alignment, create an affirmation around what you are doing and why. One short sentence only.
This affirmation needs to feel like it is anchoring this feeling inside of you and allowing the feeling to elevate and intensify in your body when you say it out loud; It feels so right and so comforting and so encouraging. This is the statement that you use to remind yourself when you are feeling lost.
Remember that whatever state you are in at the time, whatever belief lens you are looking through is going to affect how you feel when you make this statement, but part of you will always recognize it as truth. If you are feeling totally depressed and lost and in judgement about not achieving your goal and you say this affirmation, it will probably not immediately boost you back into your blissful buzz state of being. But…what it will do is help you set an intention to move back towards. For me, it gives me the strength I need to face what is happening OR just to say, “Today is what it is, but tomorrow I am going to start my day with this intention and focus on feeling it in my body.”
So, use the cross-referencing technique to set aligned goals, but also use it to align your day to day decisions when things get hard. Make that goal-based affirmation when you are fully in alignment and then use it as a reminder and to give you strength when times get tough (and growing into the person you want to become can be tough). Use the description of how your goal feels in your body and practice it as often as you can. Get into your body as often as you can and increase your awareness and sensitivity to what is going on, so you can catch yourself the moment you start move away from your alignment.
Best of luck with all of this my friends. Please always let me know how I can better support you and remember that your first call with me is always free, so we can chat about these tools and how they apply specifically to your life anytime! My goal is to walk this path with you and to support each-other along the way!
Sending my love to you as always,
There are a million different things to be grateful for during the holidays. We get a chance to visit with family, eat great food and celebrate life together.
There are also a million different sources of stress during the holidays and if you are not prepared to let go of that stress, it can turn a celebration into a whirlwind of overwhelm. Then, before you know it the holiday is over, and you didn’t enjoy a moment of it! Which leads to resentment, judgement, guilt and regret.
In the past it has totally my habit to let stress run my life during the holidays.
NOT THIS YEAR though!
This year, I am committed to appreciating and enjoying my holiday and I am going to focus on using these 6 tools. I hope they help you as well!
(Want to watch the FB Live video on this topic? Link is HERE!)
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today matters most.” ~ Buddha
Take ten minutes first thing in the morning to align yourself with what matters most to you. If you think you don’t have ten minutes, I’m assuring you right now that you don’t have time NOT to take ten minutes. This ten minutes at the start of your day will save you time and stress throughout the day by making you more at ease and much more productive.
Set your intention for the day. How do you want to feel today? What do you want to appreciate? What do you want to focus on?
Ask your higher self, guides, angels, the universe, God (whoever’s got your back) for help staying true to your intention and then spend the rest of the time being quiet and LISTENING.
When we take this time at the start of the day, it serves as a reminder to stop and listen during other points in your day. It also helps us to become more self-aware moment to moment, to remember to breathe more, and to focus on solutions instead of problems.
“Feel good for the sake of feeling good, and everything will take care of itself!” - Abraham Hicks
Whenever you can, take 1-3 deep breaths and check in with how you feel. The more you check in, the faster you will catch yourself when you start feel “off”.
Notice how your thoughts are making you feel. If they are making you feel appreciative, satisfied or happy just keep looking for even more satisfying thoughts.
If your thoughts are making you feel uncomfortable or stressed, same rules apply, start looking for a slightly better feeling thought. You don’t have to go from stressed out to euphoric, just try to go from stressed out to slightly less stressed out. Then slightly less stressed to sort of calm, then to appreciative, then maybe try for feeling happy.
Give yourself permission to climb the emotional ladder one rung at a time.
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” - from “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
This mindset changed my life, and that is not an exaggeration! I am a recovering approval addict and people pleaser. For most of my life, I over-analyzed every single word, action and gesture everyone else made, to figure out moment by moment how I should act to best gain their love and approval. BUT when I began to realize that people’s behavior had absolutely nothing to do with me, it got a lot easier to relax into being more of myself, more of the time.
You only have control of you!
I know I say this a lot, but you cannot make anyone else love you, you only have control of how much you love yourself. The fact is that you are never going to receive everyone’s approval, 100% of the time, so you might as well let go of the straining and striving to meet other people’s needs and be yourself.
The other thing that this quote really puts into perspective for me is, when we judge others it is a true mirror reflection of the things we judge most about ourselves. So, when other people judge you, just keep in mind that the judgement has nothing to do with you, it is simply a reflection of something they dislike or judge about themselves.
When we stand in this perspective, it is much easier to extend kindness and compassion towards others and ourselves.
“Narrow your life down to this moment. Your life may be full of problems – most life situations are – but find out if you have a problem at this moment. Do you have a problem now?” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Eckhart Tolle has a wonderful perspective on problems that I have found to be super helpful! Essentially, there are NO problems in the present moment.
If you think you have a problem, simply ask yourself “Is there anything I can do to improve my situation right now?”
If the answer is yes, then you don’t have a problem, you simply have a task or a set of tasks.
If the answer is no, you don’t have a problem in the moment, you simply wait and focus on something else until there is something you can do to improve your situation.
This mindset is a big stress eliminator for me, because it helps bring me into the present moment. If you can’t do anything about a situation in the present moment, worrying about it doesn’t help anything. In fact, worry makes you even less capable of allowing a solution to pop into your head.
The other thing I do if I realize I can’t fix a problem in the present moment is surrender my worry to the universe.
I like to say to myself “Everything is always working out for me and I am open to receiving the perfect solution in perfect timing”
Bonus Quote =)
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” ~ Lao Tzu
“I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery” ~John Bradshaw
This is a good one for when, despite your best efforts, people are starting to piss you off!
Every one of us was once an innocent little child who just wanted to be loved. Even that member of your family who is always just awful to you, was once a little boy or girl that just needed a hug. I know this sounds a little “Care Bear” -ish but seriously, it helps.
When you notice that you are taking things personally, or maybe getting a little judgmental of someone, just imagine that it is their child self is standing in front of you. That little child is lashing out because they are hurting and afraid.
What does that make you want to do?
We naturally want to offer that child love and support and a safe place to be.
This exercise show us the truth of the situation.
People hurt others because they are hurting and they are separated from the knowledge of their own true nature and infinite worthiness. This does not excuse bad behavior, but it does change the way you react to that behavior. Sending love to someone who is hurting you is NOT the same enabling them! You can send someone love and at the same time let them know that what they are doing is not right and not okay with you.
I’m not saying you have to give that person a hug (because they might not know how to accept it) and you don’t have to confront or even directly interact with that person if it doesn’t feel right for you to do so. Just practice silently sending them love from whatever distance makes you the most comfortable.
This works on you too! If you notice that you are judging yourself harshly or being unkind to yourself, picture yourself as a child deserving of nothing but loving attention!
“The only reason we stress is something is happening that we decided should not be happening. It is not the circumstance that is the problem. It is our resistance to it.” ~ Kyle Cease
Kyle Cease has this method of stress reduction that is all about appreciating what is happening in the moment for the potential for growth that it creates. He says that whenever we label a situation we can add “…and I love that!” to the end of it. This makes our brains strive to figure out the silver lining of the situation and how we can learn and grow from it.
For example. “The pie isn’t nearly done yet and I’m going to be super late for dinner…and I love that.”
Then the brain starts questioning “Why the hell would I love that I am going to be late for dinner?”
Then the brain starts to answer itself. If you use this as an opportunity to search for the next good feeling thought, things begin to shift.
“Well…I have to sit here and wait for the pie anyway, so I guess I could just take a moment to breathe in yummy pie smells and relax.”
“Hmmm…I really love pie!”
“Ooo, Ooo look… I’m practicing the principles of being in the present moment that I have been learning about. GO ME!”
“Thanksgiving is the best, I can’t wait to see everyone.”
“My life is awesome, I get to spend most of this day with people I love AND I get to eat pie!”
You get the idea. Breathe, focus on how you want to feel and follow the satisfying thoughts, realize that there is no problem in the present moment!
That’s all for now Loves, but I hope these tools help you this Thanksgiving, Christmas and the whole rest of your life!
(Again… if you want to watch the FB Live video on this topic? Link is HERE!)
Let me know what your favorite stress reducing tools are in the comments below. If you found this helpful, don’t forget to share in with your friends. I think everyone could use a little extra “chill” in their lives!
Sending love to you,
Living your life with Positivity, Power and Purpose
I am right smack dab in the middle of my self growth journey and I would love to take you along! This is the place for me to share the lessons I am learning with all of you and support you during your own journey! My goal is to become happier and more aligned with love everyday!
Beauty in the Everyday: