I want to share with you a little bit of processing that I did today. This was some free writing that I did because the concept of needing to EARN abundance and the idea that I can't accept money or abundance that I didn't EARN has been coming up over and over again for me. I was listening to Abraham Hicks in the car on the way to get my car inspected and I did this free write in the auto repair shop.
I started by writing out the negative thoughts and then magically, it transformed in such a beautiful way and gave me a moment of such clarity that I really needed to share it with you.
Here is the free write:
I have to work hard to deserve
I have to work hard to earn so that I can deserve
I work so hard so I deserve to be happy
I work so hard so I deserve
I have to work to deserve
I don’t deserve if I don’t work hard
I don’t deserve
I can’t work hard enough to deserve
I can’t deserve
I deserve because I am
I deserve with ease
I can be at ease and deserve
I can be at ease and be happy, because I deserve to be, because I AM.
Happiness is Easy
I am at ease in my deserving
I deserve ease and happiness and love and light and fun and abundance and freedom and joy and elation and infinite connection because I AM
Today, I realize that I need to let go of my need for life to be hard. I needed life to be hard so that I could PROVE my worth. I needed to prove that I EARNED every scrap of abundance that came to me. This is not based in love, this is not based in truth.
What I need to realize is that forcing the struggle is resisting abundance. Forcing dis-ease is what is keeping the ease of abundance away.
Today I need to accept the EASE and accept that I am easily, naturally, inherently worthy. I am already, with no effort, worthy of all the abundance I desire. All the abundance I desire is easily available to me now.
All I need to do to manifest anything I could ever want, is to desire it and then know that it is on the way. I don’t need to PROVE my value, my deserving, my worthiness to the universe! The universe already knows that I am love.
So with this knowledge I accept and rejoice in my own ease, my own worthiness, my own divinity and I manifest my desires with ease today. Manifesting my desire is what I do naturally. Magic is inherent in my being and I choose to never hide from it again!
That was my free write and it felt so right and amazing and powerful to me.
I am in a point in my life right now where I am not earning a paycheck. My life is abundant and amazing, but I am not earning money in exchange for the work I am doing and this has been a point of great distress to me. It is the one part of my life that I still am getting hung up on.
When I say the words "I am not earning money right now", my throat closes and my heart races and my chest tightens. My body fills with stress and anxiety.
Even though right now my husband makes plenty of money for me to be able to take my time getting another job, I still feel stress because I am not putting money in MY bank account.
Because I didn't earn that money, so therefore that is his money. No matter how many times he says "No Ana, you're my wife and it's OUR money and I am happy to support you during this transition", my brain goes into panic mode and says ...
"OMG, I'm not making any money and therefore I am worthless and if my husband has to support me then he will figure out how worthless I am and he will leave because everyone always leaves and then my dad will be so disappointed in me. He probably already is disappointed in me because I am not making money and therefore I am a failure....."
It continues to ramble on and on and on, telling me the "I'm not enough" story. That is what our brains do best. Your brain, my brain, our brains are designed to give us all the worst case scenarios in an attempt to keep us alive and safe. This is why we need to monitor our thoughts and evaluate whether they are really true.
The facts are
- I have some time before I need to get another job
- I am a powerful and I can manifest anything I desire.
- I know that there is plenty of time for the perfect job to manifest in my life.
- My husband is not going to leave me.
- My father loves me unconditionally.
- Money has nothing to do with my worth because as a human being, as a form or life, I am inherently worthy and deserving.
The truth is that life can be easy. Abundance flows easily into our lives is all sorts of elegant magical ways and when it is time to act, action will be easy as well.
This contrast that is appearing in my life, this hardship, this fear that has been rising to the surface over and over again is GREAT. It is here to teach me that I can choose to live my life with ease and happiness and grace. That inspired action is based on love and not fear. That I have to choice to live with ease or with hardship.
So yes, I am taking time and allowing the perfect job to manifest into my reality. I am choosing to NOT immediately settle for a job that is not ideal in order to satisfy my fear.
Then the fear based part of me hits again.... "But what will other people think about that fact that you don't have a job? They are going to think you are lazy or crazy or both!"
To that I respond "That's okay! I don't need their approval to do what feels RIGHT and true for me! I do not need approval to act in my truth!"
So these are the main points that I hope you can take away from this free-write / rambling blog post.
Try to find EASE in your life: Allow your life to unfold brilliantly and easily and elegantly and if your life is hard, ask yourself WHY. How is the hardship serving that fear based part of you? What can you do to make it a little easier?
You do not need other people's approval to do what feels right and true to you! Only you know what is best for you.
You are Inherently worthy of your desires just by being. No hardship, so struggle and no stress required!
**I am not saying that everyone should quit their jobs and wait for their perfect job to manifest. What I am saying is that everyone should feel into what actions are right and perfect and easy for them instead of assuming that every choice and every action has to be difficult. **
What hardship do you need to release today? How can you live your life with a little more ease and a little less stress? Let me know in the comments below.
Sending my love and compassion to you,